A true story of childhood and how a hatred toward Society developed.

There's a time where we all find ourselves in the centre.  Always.
But why is it that I resent it so much?
I'll tell you why.
In a time upon once, I was very briefly in the centre.
It was an honest mistake, I promise.
I didn't mean for it to happen.  Honestly!
I've always kept to myself all alone in the safety and seclusion of my own, personal corner
My safe harbour has always been kind to me.  Well, except once.
Apparently, I did something so appalling that it forever set the standards of how Society views me
It's been set in stone.
Unbeknownst to myself, I outspoke all with just a few words.
I didn't mean to say it.  I just had to know.  You must believe me!

"But why?  Why are people the way they are?  I want to know everything!
"Why do we feel the way we feel?
"Why do we do the things we do?  [I would have said 'involuntarily,' but it was not in my vocabulary at the time]
"What makes someone a good person?  Why?
"I want to learn everything!  Everything in the whole wide world!  [I meant to say 'universe,' but again, the word was unknown to me]
"Tell me!"

Now I was just a little kid--barely at the age of six--I didn't know what 'taboo' meant or what an outcast was
How was I to know it was wrong to outspeak the terms set by Society?

You see, I've always been shy.  In fact, most people still don't know what my voice sounds like.
I don't need anyone else.  It never occurred to me that I ever did.
I've always felt safest alone, because that's what I'm used to.
I do everything alone.
There's my start as an outcast:
doing everything alone.  I like it!
[of course, at the time, I had an imaginary friend named 'Bones' who helped me when I needed it]
But this was different!  I wanted to learn, to understand!
I wished to understand the brutal workings of Society, the self-proclaimed "morals" that establish taboo
I still do.

Tell me!  Tell me!

My first grade teacher looked at me in awe, disapproval, shock, maybe even fear.
According to Society, I'm a degenerate.
She said I had to figure it out myself and she was a real bitch about it.
I was outspoken--so I've been told--I shouldn't have questioned Society.
"That's just the way it is," she said.
Now, I didn't stop asking questions, I just had to know!
I swear, I didn't mean to "corrupt" the minds of all those children
I didn't mean to interrupt the training of your "respectable citizens."
[As for my state right now, I wonder why I regretted asking so much]

"If there's a god, why doesn't he just fix the stupid world?!"
I didn't know what an Atheist was [which I was and am]
Hell, I didn't know other religions than Roman Catholicism existed
I thought there was something wrong with me!  Yet I still asked questions.
I thought I was the only real outcast
I thought there was something wrong with me...
I was broken, maybe?
[do keep in mind that I was only six years old and was taught that not believing in god was a bad thing and was afraid my parents would entirely disown me]

Throughout my moments in the Centre, I spoke my inner thoughts, my feelings toward Society.
As soon as I was so rudely interrupted by the damn teacher, I was cast aside like a broken toy.
That's what I was, just a broken toy.
[like that stupid elf that wanted to be a dentist!]
Why do I think the way I do?

From that moment forth, I developed a strong sense of self-loathing that I still carry with me.
But now it's different.  It's a pity aimed toward myself that I didn't recognize that I wasn't alone with my "degenerate thoughts."
Ask yourself these questions.
I don't know about you, but I see no logic in it.

At an early age, my name became taboo.
I was weird.
I asked too many questions.
All the kids found it fascinating.
They came to me for answers, advice.
I gladly accepted.
I had to be useful somehow, y'know?
I had excellent grades, a good handful of decent aquaintances, two good friends [that drifted in time], someone I adored but was too shy.
Kids liked me, I guess.
So why do I complain?
The parents... well, they felt differently.
I was a degenerate.
I asked too many questions.
I put forth scenarios no "normal" child should be able to contemplate as thoroughly as I had.
I just wanted to learn, I swear it!


Frown upon me all you like because now I know I'm not alone.
I'm proud to be weird, proud to question superiors....proud to be a degenerate.
There is a fistful of decent people left in the world to question and frustrate the "respectable citizens" of Society.
Together we'll learn all there is to know.
And someday...
I'm going to laugh in my egotistic first grade teacher's face!